Forget Me Not
by Lauraz
Summary: A year after Joseph left Holby, he has settled down in Penrith. But is he happy? Complete
1. Chapter 1

Forget Me Not

_Holby City belongs to the BBC._

I look at Harry, he's coming up to a year old - learning to walk and growing stronger by the day. I love a being a father to him, the slightest thing he does fills me with immense pride. He's a very contented baby with lots of smiles and giggles. He looks at me with a trust in his eyes. I pick him up and stretch my arms out and do aeroplane noises, which I know Harry likes, he giggles with approval. He's got a very cheeky glint in his eyes. I know it won't be long before he's walking and grabbing everything he sees. I will need eyes in the back of my head. I put Harry down on the mat, he needs his nappy changing, and then a nap.

I place Harry in his cot, he watches the mobile swing gently above him. It's not long before he's fast asleep. I carefully get up and walk out. I leave the door ajar just enough for me to hear him if he wakes up. I have a baby monitor, but for some reason I prefer to just trust my own ears.

Today is my day off, my working hours are flexible I am not tied down running the clinic. There is no doubt about it being less stressful. I can spend more time with my son. Of course there are some things I miss. Well when I say some things, it is more like 'someone'. I really do miss Jac, we'd grown closer then I ever could have possibly imagined during the latter part of my time at Holby City General, in the end she was the person I knew I could trust - which is somewhat ironic given our turbulent history. My feelings for Jac have always been apparent to me. Even when I tried to deny them, even when she seemed hell bent on destroying my life. I remember a time when just being around her made me boil with hatred. The lowest point being when she taunted me and my family on the day of my father's funeral. I look back on that moment with much remorse, and a great deal of shame. For a man to raise his hands to a woman, it was totally unacceptable - even if at that time in my mind, I was defending my family and myself against intolerable insults.

Deep down I always knew there was more to Jac then a dry wit, and a very sharp tongue. That was just a shield to protect herself with, when we were first together you could see she was wary. She always felt more at ease with a scalpel in her hand. Jac always wants to be in charge, at first I just assumed she was a control freak. But it ran deeper than just her ego. In one of our earlier conversations she admitted her childhood had been far from ideal, she said that she never really felt a sense of belonging anywhere. It just became easier to close herself off.

The day I left, her normally steely unbreakable shield shattered. She had finally let me in, let herself love, and perhaps more importantly be loved. I myself was surprised by the strength and depth of love I felt for Jac. I had never even felt that way for the mother of my child. By asking Jac to come with me I thought it was the last barrier we had to cross in order to become the family I thought we both derserved to be. I can of course understand why she refused to come with me. I know how much I was asking, for her to give up everything. I didn't want to lose her. The look in Jac's eyes was heartbreaking, portraying a vulnerability and compassion that she had kept hidden. The last few weeks I was with her proved, if I had any small doubts left, she does love me, and I do love her. So much...

I get up to deal with some mail on the kitchen table, I go through the letters one by one. Most are bills or junk mail. The last one is handwritten. The postmark says Holby. I open the letter and read it's contents.

_Dear Joseph,_

_I am not used to writing a letter, people always use email these days. Anyway I just thought I'd ask how you and Harry are settling in Cumbria? He must be growing up so fast, and no doubt giving you plenty of sleepless nights. As for me I'm up to my neck in work, just as well really it helps keep my mind off you. I've never regretted any decision I've made in life - up to this point. Time will tell I guess whether that will change. I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I saw you. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you. I knew letting you go wouldn't be easy, but it's been so much harder than I thought. Anyway I better go - before I go all soppy (I hate it.)_

_Give Harry a kiss from me._

_Jac _

_xx_

I know it's only a letter but it seems so much more. Can I really stay away from Jac for the rest of my life?

**This is a follow on from Shattered Dreams, I don't know whether to leave it as a one shot, let me know.**


	2. Chapter 2

Keeping Up Appearances

Jac was assisting Hanssen with a patient who had a ruptured spleen. She knew she had one opportunity to impress the Swede. So far everything she'd tried, had backfired. Jac knew Hanssen was watching her like a hawk.

"Right, we should be able to suture the wound." Jac felt like she was on trial. She repaired the damaged spleen. But the stitches split, causing another tear. Jac muttered under her breath as she battled to control the bleed for the second time.

"Come on we haven't got all day, have we?" Hanssen said, as he calmly put the suction tube into the patient. "Ah you've located the bleed, better late then never".

He really did make her feel as though she was out of her comfort zone. Jac felt like her usual confidence was slowly draining away. Hanssen seemed determined to try and undermine her ability as a surgeon.

They finish the operation without any further problems. "I'll leave you to close up, I'd like a word in my office when you're finished here, please". Jac finished up in theatre. She walked straight down to Hanssen's office.

"I must say Ms Naylor you seem to be distracted, your performance wasn't up to the level that is expected and required from a senior surgeon".

"The patient is still alive, so what exactly is the problem?" Jac's tone was sharp and to the point.

"To be brutally honest I have several, your attitude for one thing leaves a lot to be desired and you don't seem to be focused on the job, I think I may have been too hasty in giving you the consultant job." Jac shook her head in fury.

"No, no way you're not taking this job away from me, I've have worked harder then anyone to get this bloody job, I always put work first, which is more then most people in this place!" Jac was leaning forward her hands gripping hard on to the edge of the desk. Hanssen, in his measured voice said,"I can offer you your old job back."

Jac's face was contorted with anger. She knew she was losing control, but she really didn't care. "I have been here for nearly six years. I haven't given up EVERYTHING just to be demoted back to a registrar!" Jac didn't wait for Hanssen to respond she walked out slamming the door behind her.

"Someone got out of the wrong side of bed this morning". The last thing Jac wanted to do right now was talk to Sacha. "Are you alright?"

"NO I am not, leave me alone". Sacha ignored Jac's curt reply and followed her into her office. Jac stood with her back turned to him. Sacha put his hand on her shoulder, but she shook it off. "What part of _leave me alone _don't you get?" Sacha was shocked as she turned round, he'd never seen her cry before.

"Hey hey come on don't cry, I knew Hanssen was scary but"-

Jac looked at Sacha the tears cascading down her face. She looked like a broken woman. She shook her head and said in a whisper, "I can't do this anymore." All Sacha could do was hug her, as she sunk in her chair.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'd just like to apologise for the amout of Typing errors in the last chapter. It has now been corrected. Thanks for the reviews.**

Stick Or Twist

Sacha was trying his best to calm Jac, he'd never seen her like this normally she was so in control no matter what the situation. But now she was inconsolable for whatever reason.

"Jac, what's the matter?" This is not like you, what did Hanssen say?" Sacha looked at Jac, who swallowed hard.

"He said he was going to demote me, he told me I wasn't focused on the job and that my attitude wasn't good enough". Jac looked down at her lap, her tears still flowing leaving damp patches on her trousers. Sacha looked confused. "Since when did Hanssen's opinion - or anyone else's for that matter mean so much to you?" Jac was still looking at her lap.

"This job was it for me, you do realise that? "Most people work to live, me I live to work." "Right from medical school I was absolutley determined to be at the very top." "I've waited so long for this opportunity, but now it all seems... so pointless".

Sacha looks at Jac, and for the first time realises just how much pain she is in. He begins to feel guilty, he should have spotted that she was struggling, Jac was so difficult to read, he had tried to get beyond the icy looks and barbed comments but had only scratched the surface of her frosty exterior. For a while they both say nothing, before Sacha decides to take the plunge. He knows he must tread vey carefully.

"I can't help you Jac, not unless you tell me what's wrong?"

"I always listen to my head, even when my heart is screaming something else, I've done that my whole life, I never could understand why people used to say 'follow your heart', I thought they were just being weak minded - didn't know what they wanted. Jac paused wiping away more tears with the back of her hand. "Remember what you said to me once?" "You said that we all need somebody, I thought typical Sacha soppy fool".

"But I'm not such a fool now eh?" He gently nudges her arm.

"I can't stand feeling like this, I swore to myself I'd never end up falling apart!"

Sacha doesn't know quite how to react as Jac gets up and walks slowly over to the window. She stares out but can't see much, her tears have blurred her vision. Sacha walks over to Jac. She spins round her arms are folded across her chest. "Hanssen wants to break me, you all do, you want me to crack!"

"Don't be stupid, you're a brilliant surgeon, you've told me that yourself enough times".

Jac looks at Sacha with the usual look of disdain. "It's so easy for you isn't it?" "Good old Sacha acting like the clown you are". Sacha can't help but smile.

"Now that's more like the Jac Naylor I know, for some strange reason I prefer being insulted by you".

"It's alright for you, you go home look after Daniel." "You've got other reasons to get up in the morning apart from this job." "I nearly left Holby last year, with Joseph." Jac paused, even saying his name hurt. Sacha raised his eyebrows he knew they were close, but didn't think they were that close.

"So why didn't you leave?" Jac was facing him again she was biting her lip.

"The thought of leaving with Joseph terrified me, part of me really wanted to go, I love him - but It meant dropping everything I've ever known"." Sacrificing my entire way of life to become something that I'm not sure I can be". Jac's voice was cracking emotion. "I thought, what if.. I can't be the wife and mother he wants me to be?" What if I end up resenting them both for making me choose?"

"I guess we all have these decisons to make, I always say you don't regret doing something, you only regret the things you don't do." Sacha looks at her seriously. "You my friend deserve to be happy." He hugs Jac again. "I Think you know what you need to do". Jac nods. Sacha leaves her alone. Jac takes out her mobile from the drawer. She scrolls down to the familar number and presses 'call'. After the fourth ring there's an answer.

"Hello?"

"I need you." Jac knows how pathetic that sounds but it's the truth and she's spent too long fighting it...


	4. Chapter 4

Now Or Never

**This chaper is set mainly from Joseph's perspective. Enjoy.**

"Mrs Chambers, sorry to keep you waiting, I'm ready for you now." Joseph felt tired it had been a rather long day. Alice Chambers was his last patient of the day. She was going to have the flu jab. She got slowly to her feet. Joseph held the door open for her. She smiled at him.

"Thank you Dr Byrne, my word it's cold outside today isn't it?" "Me fingers are frozen, I think there in danger of droppin' off."

"Yes it is very cold, and it doesn't look as though it's going to warm up any time soon." Joseph rolled up Alice's sleeve. Before giving her the vaccine he took her blood pressure. "Have you got anything planned for Christmas?"

"Yes, My son Tony is coming with his wife and their two children, Norman and I don't get to see them a lot these days - they live in London." Alice flinches as she watches the needle go into her arm. "What about you?" "Are you heading back down south for Christmas?" Joseph withdraws the needle and dabs it with cotton wool.

"No I don't think so, it's going to be just Harry and me this year. A cosy Christmas, warm fires lots of food, presents, what more could I want?" Alice taps Joseph on his arm. "Harry's a very lucky little boy, having a father like you." Joseph couldn't help but wish he'd had someone like Alice when he was growing up, she had something very comforting and warm about her.

"I can assure you I am the lucky one, he really is a joy to be around." Joseph gets up to hold the door open for Alice. "Well I hope you have a happy Christmas Mrs Chambers and a healthy new year too." Alice grins making the skin wrinkle around her eyes.

"Seasons greetings to you too, and for the last time it's Alice!" She jokiingly tried to hit Joseph with her over - sized handbag. Joseph chuckled.

"That's what you get for having manners these days!" "Thank you Alice."

Joseph glanced at his watch, 3:30 he was looking forward to collecting his son from nursery and spending the rest of the day with him. In fact he had the weekend free. Dr Stephenson had said Joseph should spend more time with Harry over the festive period.

As Joseph left the clinic, his mobile rang. He was fully expecting it to be his mother, no doubt wanting to wish him a happy Christmas. But when he saw Jac's name flash up on the screen, his heart skipped a beat. He cleared his throat before answering.

"Hello?" Joseph was surprised to hear his own voice tremble and he wasn't aware until now how much he'd wanted to hear her voice at the end of the phone.

"I need you." Jac replied. Joseph could tell by her tone she was upset and was probably crying. He suddenly felt tongue tied. He cleared his throat for a second time.

"It's good to hear your voice, How are you?" He knew that sounded ridiculous, it was obvious she was feeling very distressed.

"I can't do this job anymore, my heart just isn't in it, I have nothing left to give. "Joseph I really need to see you, _Please?"_

Joseph had never heard Jac sound so desperate and frankly broken. He realised he had to see her too.

"I'll be there as soon as possible, I just need to pack Harry some things, then I can drive down OK?"

"What about work?" Jac now felt ashamed at being so needy she'd always prided herself on being fiercely independent throughout her life. But things had changed so much since then.

"Joseph, I think it would be better if I come up on the train, it would save you and Harry a long trip, no one likes travelling over Christmas - the roads will be packed."

"Um, OK Give me a ring and I'll come and pick you up at the station."

"Will do." Jac paused. "See you tomorrow then."

"I look forward to it. "I've missed you."

"Yeah I've missed you too, bye."

"Bye." They both hung up. Joseph's mind was spinning with so many thoughts, if he was honest, part of him was very apprehensive about seeing Jac, he'd not forgotten her, but he had pushed her to the back of his mind. He had no choice she'd made her decision, he'd made his. Actually he realised choice never really came into it. They both had to do what was right at the time.

Joseph picked Harry up from nursery and drove home. Harry as usual was in a very lively mood, and was just learning his first words, 'dada and juice' being used on a daily basis.

Joseph sat down on the sofa with Harry on his lap bouncing him up and down. Harry started to figet so Joseph put him down on the floor and gave him his favourite toy train to play with. Joseph looked at his son and said, "We've got a very special guest coming tomorrow - so I want you to be good, OK?"

Harry gurgled and wrinked his little nose in reply.

"Good boy."

Jac meanwhile was back at the flat, she was in the spare room staring down at the sleeping little baby in her arms. If she thought phoning Joseph was hard, telling him about Emily was going to be a thousand times harder...

**I really hope this isn't too far fetched, this chapter has been a real challenge to write.**


	5. Chapter 5

Mixed Emotions

Jac was walking up and down the platform trying to keep warm. Emily was strapped to to her. The three month old was wearing a coat, a bobble hat and mittens. But Jac was still worried it wouldn't be enough to keep the biting December winds at bay. She was relieved when she saw the train arrive. "Here we go, we can get warm now." She rubbed her daughter on the back. The train pulled up alongside them. Emily looked startled at everything going on around her. The porter helped Jac with her luggage, Jac was so used to doing things on her own, but it wasn't just about her anymore.

Jac found a seat towards the end of the carriage. She took out some milk which she had expressed earlier. Jac held the bottle to Emily's mouth and she drank hungrily. The train started to slowly move away from Holby. Jac realised this was it, she was leaving everything behind to start a new life. She had said goodbye to her colleagues at the hospital. Jac suspected quite a few would not be sorry to see her go. She found Sacha the hardest to leave behind. He had become her one true friend, the one she knew she could always rely on. Sacha was perhaps one of a handful of people who _really_ understood her, they had of course had plenty of ups and downs. But despite her numerous attempts to push him away, he'd continually come back and want to be a friend.

Michael was another person who she was sad to leave behind, he may come across as loud brash and about as subtle as a brick. But underneath all that he had a heart of gold. Leaving her comfort zone was going to be tough, but in the end she felt she was undervalued. Hanssen was putting his own stamp on place, and he'd made it perfectly clear people would have to conform to his way of thinking. Jac had battled her way to the top, only for her world to be turned upside down a couple of months later. She knew she was pregnant before she took the test. The father to her unborn child was Joseph. They had been together for a month before Joseph had shattered her life and declared he couldn't cope with such a high pressured job, and be the father he desperately wanted to be for Harry. Leaving Jac crest fallen beyond any words.

She had thrown herself into her work, determined to get the job she'd coveted for so long, partly because she wanted it, but also because it made her think about something else, other than him. She had ignored the symtoms that could only mean one thing. Jac had so many mixed emotions when the test came back positive. She couldn't tell Joseph, he had got a new life. She made the decision to keep quiet and go it alone. It was difficult especially when she started to show. Eventually she had to lie and say she wasn't feeling well and she needed time off. Jac gave birth to Emily at St James', the other local hospital in the area. She soon realised trying to raise a newborn and juggling a full time job on her own was too much.

Jac craddled her now sleeping daughter in her arms, and gently stroked her tiny hand. The motion of the train was soothing and had sent Emily to sleep. Jac looked out of the window the scenery rolling past at speed. Gradually the city buildings and houses gave way to green fields and rolling hills. It may have been a three hour train journey from Holby to Cumbria but for Jac it felt terrfiying, she was exhausted having not slept at all well for weeks. How on earth would Joseph react when Jac told him about Emily? She'd been so wrapped up in her thoughts she had forgotten to tell Joseph when she was going to arrive.

"Ladies and gentlemen we have arrived at Penrith station."

Jac quicky sent Joseph a text. It wasn't long before he replied, I'll come and get you, won't be long x. Jac put Emily in her carry cot, and got her luggage. She made her way off the train. She sat down on a seat and held the carry cot on her lap. Emily, was now wide awake and staring at Jac intently, and cooing happily. Jac looked at her little girl, she did look like Joseph, she had his face shape and dark hair. Her eyes were definitley green like Jac's.

"Daddy will be here soon, I just hope he loves you as much as I do." Jac's stomach was churning and full of butterflies. Jac soon saw the familar silver saloon draw up. Jac stood up and walked over to the car. Joseph got out, He kissed her gently on the cheek, polite as ever. He looked as if he didn't know what to do or say. There was a rather uncomfortable silence.

"Who's this little one?" Joseph asked, not really knowing if he wanted to know the answer. His eyes fell on the baby. Jac was now wishing she had prepared herself better then this. She looked him in the eye, she was dreading his reaction. She wasn't sure if she could stand anymore rejection. "She's our daughter, her name's Emily Rose Byrne.

Joseph stood motionless his mouth was slightly open. Jac looked at him trying to read his expression, if anything he looked disappointed. Jac met his gaze firmly.

"Say something, anything..."

**This chapter has been quite difficult, mainly because I left it on a cliffhanger. Anyway I hope you enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

No Pain No Gain

**I hope you enjoy this final chapter. Thanks again for the reviews. **

Joseph stood there, unable to speak he felt like he was having a weird dream that just didn't seem real.

"I KNEW it, I knew this was a bad idea, why I thought this was ever a good decision I don't know." Jac's voice was quivering with a mixture of anger, fustration and hurt. She turned and started to walk away. Joseph ran after her. "Jac wait, wait - don't leave, please." He put his hand on her shoulder.

Jac turned to face him again. "I saw the look on your face when you saw us, you couldn't hide the disappointment." Jac shook her head sadly. "This was a mistake I should never have come up here." Joseph felt guilty. "Jac I'm sorry, it's just such a shock." "Look come back to the car and we can talk properly."

"No I don't think so, I may as well take the train back to Holby." Joseph's arm was still gripping her. Emily started to cry, Jac released herself from his hold wrapping both arms protectively around her daughter. Joseph looked at Jac, his eyes silently begging her to stay.

"Please Jac, come back with me." Their eyes locked together. She knew any resistence was futile. Jac nodded slowly, he was the only man who could make her weak at the knees just by looking at her. They walked back to the car. Harry was peering out of the window, his eyes were wide with surprise and wonder as Jac gave him a slight smile, which he returned with a frown. His eyes lit up as soon as he set eyes on his dad, smiling broadly.

"I'm afraid I haven't got a spare car seat." Joseph looked at her apologetically. "Will you be alright in the back with Harry?"

"Yeah sure." Jac got into the back and tried to calm Emily who was growing more restless. Perhaps she was picking up all the tension that was in the air. Harry looked at Jac and his new little sister with bewilderment.

"Hello Harry, you're a big boy now aren't you?" Looking at Harry was like staring at a minature version of Joseph, he had the same pale blue eyes, dark brown hair and even dimples in his rosy cheeks.

"Heyo." He said looking very pleased with himself. Jac smiled as Harry continued to stare at Emily with intent. He still kept his eyes on them as he drank water from his cup.

They arrived at the cottage, about 20 minutes later, Joseph turned into the gravel drive. "Right, here we are then."

"It looks lovely." Jac had been relieved that Joseph hadn't forced the conversation during the drive from the station. She wasn't very good at small talk. Joseph helped Jac carry her luggage into the house. Jac followed them into the living room. It was a large room with a fireplace. Despite it's size it had a cosy feel to it. Jac couldn't help but give a wry smile, which didn't go unoticed by Joseph.

"What are you smiling at?" Joseph asked.

"It just reminds me of what you said when you left, Y'know the log fires, wife, son - I'm guessing you haven't got round to buying a dog yet though?"

Joseph laughed. "No, although I still plan to get one, maybe when Harry gets a little older." "Do you want some tea or coffee?"

"Coffee would be great, thanks." "Do you mind if I feed Emily?" I fed her when we first got on the train, I think she might be getting hungry again."

"No, no of course not, I'll go and make the coffee." Joseph went to the kitchen, promptly followed by Harry who had a habbit of following his father everywhere now he could walk. When he returned with two coffees, Jac was breast feeding Emily. He put the coffees on the table. He was careful to watch Harry, he had got to the age of showing an interested in anything and everything, but was not yet old enough to grasp the full meaning of the word 'no.'

"Can I hold her?" Joseph asked Jac, when she'd finished feeding and winding Emily.

"She's your daughter." Jac replied matter of factly, before handing her over to Joseph. He felt the same flush of love he had felt for Harry when he held him for the first time. "Hello, I'm your Daddy, yes I am." He smiled. "You certainly gave me a surprise." Joseph turned to Jac.

"When was she born?"

"23rd of September 2011, weighing in at 7 pounds 2 ounces. Jac was sipping her coffee and watching Harry play with various toys on the floor.

"Why didn't you tell me about Emily before now Jac, I could have supported you?"

Jac looked at him honestly. "Because by the time I found out that I was pregnant you had already left, besides I didn't think you'd want to know."

Joseph looked at Jac with a mixture of astonishment and dismay.

"How could you possibly even think that, that I'd rather not know that I have a daughter." Jac shrugged.

"Look my mind was all over the place, you'd gone and I was trying to move on, when I found I was expecting..." "I wasn't sure if I could manage being a mother, I had never been a maternal person." The thought of a baby scared the life out of me." "I _never _envisaged for a second I'd become a mother, it's something that seemed so alien to me. "I'll be totally honest Joseph, adoption did cross my mind." Joseph was still holding Emily, her hand was clamped around his thumb.

"I wish you'd have told me though."Every child should know their father." He lay Emily down on the floor.

"Why didn't you reply to the letter I sent you a few months ago?"

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry -I just didn't know what to say." He started fiddling with the cuffs on his jumper. "I didn't want to rub things in, I didn't want to make things more painful for you."

"No, you just couldn't be bothered because you had a happy new life with your son - you didn't want anything to get in the way."

"That's hardly fair, you know how much I wanted to be with you, I asked you to come with me, remember?"

"I know, but I just couldn't do it, at the time my job was my life."

Harry was trying to climb on to Jac's lap, so she picked him up. He started to pull her hair.

"Oi you little monkey." She started to tickle him, making him explode into giggles. Joseph noticed how at ease with Harry she was. Good with children was not how he would have described Jac, she once said children bought her out in a rash!

"You're a natural you really are."

"Do I detect a note of surprise in your voice?" Jac was now bouncing a delighted Harry up and down.

"Maybe just a little." Joseph admitted, "you've always been so-"

"Selfish?" Jac cut in.

"Er no, actually I was going to say career minded." They both smiled.

Later in the evening when Harry had gone to bed and Emily had dropped off to sleep in her carry cot. Jac and Joseph had finished supper. They were sitting staring at the dancing flames of the fire. Jac was leaning on Joseph.

"It must have been hard handing your resignation to Hanssen?"

"I'm not going to lie, it was hard, but ever since Emily arrived it changed me." "So did you."

"I still can't believe you went through it all on your own." Leaving you behind was so difficult, if I'd known what was going to happen, I would have stayed."

"We're together now, unless of course the thought of spending the rest of your life with me is too much?"

"No way, I always do like a challenge!" I love you."

I love you too." She kissed him. Jac felt the tears run down her face, as Joseph wrapped his arms around her. Finally the dream of being part of a family was her's. That was the one thing she'd secretly hoped for. Now it was all coming true - wife, son, and daughter...


End file.
